Couple Therapy

I believe that couples are in a unique position for growth and healing with the help of their partner. Over the years I have found that people who come for individual therapy are frequently focused on the problems in their couple relationship. In these instances, I have found that working on the relationship or marriage together in couple therapy is more effective, efficient and economical than individual therapy alone.

One of my specializations is in couple therapy. I am trained and certified in the PACT model (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. My approach is both supportive and challenging, and based on concepts from attachment theory and neuroscience, which confirm that we need the support of our partner in order to work through fundamental primary core issues.

I believe that partners are in the position to ensure that the other is understood, valued and protected. A loving relationship with a partner can improve our happiness, our health, and it can provide us the strength, courage and confidence to go out into the world to do the things we would not do on our own. But that same relationship can easily become disappointing, frustrating and painful. I see impasses and breakdowns in long-term relationships as a normal non-pathological process. Couples often lose their way and find themselves stuck in a cycle of fighting, withdrawing, or shutting down, without understanding the primitive biological or personally historical material that colors our experience and drives our behavior. When these dysregulating cycles continue to repeat, the loving connection between couples begins to weaken, and our partner starts to seem more like an enemy than someone deeply loved.

Insecure attachments and a hostile or distant relational system can keep a couple from developing good regulational behavior. Misattunements and misappraisals can lead to deep misunderstanding, which cause injury and make it challenging for couples to learn and execute the skills necessary to help each other with fundamental individual and relational issues. I help couples to move away from blaming the other, or avoiding conflict, to identify how each partner contributes to the breakdown and disconnect in the relationship. This approach is active and experiential. Instead of talking about events, we try to enact them and make corrections in real time. This can lead to an exploration of underlying long-term individual issues, as well as a better understanding of the unhealthy dynamic the couple has created together. We will work through these issues in session and discover new effective ways to deal with conflict, and to better repair; building a new foundation for learning and growth, and fostering security, sanity, intimacy, and true mutuality in the relationship.

Regardless of your past, or your parents, or the challenging person you picked, with the right kind of work and the right kind of effort, you will feel more connected and secure, your stress will decrease, and you and your partner will thrive.